We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am midnight drunk by noon
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
