So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
