I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i think my cat just said my name.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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