I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
only you would photoshop your dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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