Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
