billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
