Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
