His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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