Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
