home. puking in laundry basket.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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