Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
