matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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