We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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