I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
