He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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