My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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