I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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