Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
