I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
