I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
