Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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