Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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