I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
