She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
