last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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