he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
