buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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