Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
