for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
they're like a gay fantastic four
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
