I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
