Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
