I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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