my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
