I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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