I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
