True but thats because hes a fetus.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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