I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
