My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
