We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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