if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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