Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I supernannyed him into submission
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
