All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
