he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
