please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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