i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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