i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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