I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
