Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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