i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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