Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
