Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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