Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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