i will never coherently bang her
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
