My liver just broke up with me...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize