I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize