halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
