nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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