the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
