I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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