get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
