I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
