i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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