eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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