i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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