she was so not down for the gang bang
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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