It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
