I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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