I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
