You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
