i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
